


Only I can change my life

by sperrywink



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 12:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17203655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sperrywink/pseuds/sperrywink
Summary: Barry is Len's soulmate, but Len refuses to change for anyone. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen anyway.





	Only I can change my life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamerfound](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamerfound/gifts).



> Happy New Year, Dreamerfound!

Len wasn’t one of those foolish people who didn’t believe in soulmates despite all the evidence to the contrary. Lovesick fools who believed in free will and choosing your own destiny. He believed the overwhelming evidence that soulmates were real.

He wasn’t happy about it though.

There was no way a soulmate fitted in with his life, and he liked his life here at the top of his game. There was no way a fellow bad guy was his soulmate, he’d been double-crossed too many times to ever trust another thief. And a civilian? Don’t make him laugh. Which just left the good guys, and just no. They would want him to change and steer straight, and he wasn’t going to change for anyone. Ever.

And then he met the Flash. Barry fucking Allen. His soulmate. He snarked his way through the discussion once they discovered it, since it mostly consisted of Barry rejecting him. If he admitted that he then took extra delight in taunting the Flash during robberies afterwards, well, no one would be surprised. He was a bad guy, after all.

The most frustrating thing about the whole ordeal, though, was that he began changing anyway. He made the deal about no killing and kept the Rogues in line. He was already knee-deep in Barry’s life before he even realized. He was horrified, but he was already on Rip’s ship doing _good_ and talking about standing by your friends.

Taking on the Oculus was almost a relief. His conflicted feelings could finally be put to rest, and if it freed Mick from the damn Time Masters in the process, all the better.

Which was a long way of saying, he was totally surprised to find himself standing in the middle of Central City. Doing a full circle, he tried to figure out how he got here, but he was just standing in front of Jitters, and there was a blank blur between the Oculus exploding and now. Which, now that he thought about it, when was now?

Seeing a newspaper kiosk, he walked over and checked the date. Holy shit, it was 2017. Was he supposed to be dead? Was he dead? (But people avoided walking into him, and said things like, “Excuse me,” so that didn’t make any sense.) How the hell did he get to 2017 without a time ship?

And then he heard his name from behind, so swiveled around to come face to face with Barry. Who was gaping at him as his coffee slipped out of his hand to splash on the sidewalk and his sneakers.

Mere seconds later, Barry had his arms wrapped around Len and was hugging the stuffing out of him. Now it was Len’s turn to gape, although he quit that as soon as he realized it and closed his mouth with a decisive click. It just felt so good to have Barry’s arms around him. Barry pulled back to rapid-fire ask him, “How did you get here? I thought you were dead! They told me you were dead! What happened?” before engulfing him in a fierce hug again.

Len coughed and glared at anyone who dared stop and stare. He didn’t hug back though, no matter how good it felt. He wasn’t that much of a loser yet.

Finally, Barry let go of him, and asked, “Well?”

“I don’t know,” Len said, his voice rusty.

Warily easing away from Len, Barry asked, “What do you mean?”

Len shrugged and looked around again. “The Oculus was exploding and then I was here. Nothing in-between. I’m dead?”

“We thought you were, yes.” Barry looked contrite now.

“Maybe I was, for a little while, at least.” Len tried to think about it, but that made his head hurt, and not euphemistically. His head began to pound the longer he tried. He pushed on the corners of his forehead to see if that relieved the pressure.

“We need to get you to Star Labs.”

Len was going to protest, he really was, but he mentally pushed against the headache, and before he could blink, he was crumpling to the sidewalk in excruciating pain and knew nothing more.  
  
  
  


* * *

* * *

  
  
  
  
Len woke up in Star Labs, of course, on a really uncomfortable hospital bed. Groaning, he opened his eyes slowly, not wanting to tempt fate again.

Caitlin was standing by him holding a clipboard closely to her chest defensively. He said, “Don’t worry, Doc. Not feeling up to shenanigans today.”

Caitlin curtly said, “I should hope not,” but still refused to turn her back to him. Smart chick.

Barry came bounding in, and said, “You’re up!”

Carefully sitting upright, making sure his head didn’t start throbbing again at the movement, Len nodded slowly. He asked, “What’s the situation? Am I dead or what?”

Waving both hands in some form of jazz hands, Barry said, “No, not dead, but Cisco says you’re important for the future, although that’s a bit murky from here and now.”

“How would Cisco know?”

“He has metahuman vibration powers including sensing precognitive waves. But, anyway, he says you’re clean. You weren’t actually dead, just adrift in time and space, which is why you fainted. Humans aren’t made to withstand that.”

Len wanted to ask a ton of questions, but he suspected they had told them all they knew. He could probably shake a couple more tidbits out of them, but he wasn’t interested right now in the details of _precognitive waves_ , although he definitely would be in the future. Now he wanted to go to ground and figure out his life.

Talk about adrift. He had thought all his conflicted feelings would be gone with his death. Of course, life had other plans for him.

He said, “Thanks for the info. I’ll get out of your hair now.”

Barry rushed to his side. “You’re not going anywhere.”

Len just raised his eyebrow.

Barry crossed his arms. “No, really, where do you think you’re going? You were dead for a year; your life isn’t waiting out there for you. There’s nothing left. Mick is still time travelling, and Lisa left town. Oh my god, I told Lisa you were dead!” He looked horrified.

Len felt angry at them for interfering, even though he would have wanted Lisa to know if he was dead. Forever, that is, not temporarily dead. Which was weird to consider, but whatever. His anger definitely showed on his face, since Caitlin took a step back. He smoothed his expression back out.

But still. Lisa shouldn’t feel alone. Sure, she could take care of herself, but Len felt bad for being dead on her. He hoped she was alright. He’d hunt her down to make sure.

Barry was hovering at his knee and looking determined and nervous. He said, “Besides, I thought we could talk about… us.”

Len stared at him for a beat. “There is no us.” Caitlin wisely rushed from the room. Len wished he could as well. 

“Well, yes, I know, but that was because you were robbing and hurting people. You don’t do that anymore.”

“What do you think I was doing on Rip’s ship? Crochet?”

“I know, but it was for the good. You were helping!”

“Well, maybe I don’t feel like helping anymore,” Len retorted. He didn’t know why he was being so contrary, except that he shouldn’t have to change for anyone. And even if he hadn’t changed for Barry, Barry only wanted the new him which was insulting. 

Whatever. He stood up, but swayed on his feet, and Barry rushed to support him. This being not-dead thing sucked. 

Barry said, “I was wrong before, all right? I shouldn’t have ignored you, but I didn’t know how to handle it. You scared me.”

“Let’s call it what it was. You weren’t afraid, you hated me.”

“No… well, maybe a little. But I didn’t understand before! I was too self-righteous.”

“And now what? You’re different? Have a taste for killing and thieving now?”

“No, of course not! But I’m willing to meet in the middle if you are.”

And the kicker of it was Len could hear the sincerity in his voice, but it still didn’t feel right acquiescing. He knew he was cutting off his nose to spite his face, but he didn’t want to have to change for his soulmate. He wanted his soulmate to love him for him, good and bad.

So, he said, “I’ll think about it,” to Barry’s dumbfounded expression, and began the slow trek to the door.

“Where are you going?”

And all he could think to say was, “Wherever you’re not.” He didn’t turn around to see the look on Barry’s face at that.  
  
  
  


* * *

* * *

  
  
  
  
So, Len went to ground in an old safe house of his and Mick’s to recover and think about what he was going to do now. He tried to tell himself he resolutely wasn’t thinking about Barry, but it was all a lie. Barry was constantly in his thoughts and he wished things were different between them, but couldn’t find it in his bitter heart to reconsider. He always got stuck on wanting someone to love both the good and bad in him.

Once recovered sufficiently, he hunted down Lisa in Star City, and let her alternately scream at him and cry on him. It felt good to reunite, but eventually he left her there and returned to Central City. It was home after all.

But then he was stuck. The legends including Mick were off in time, he wasn’t talking to Barry, and crime didn’t seem as exciting as it once did. He knew the thrill of saving the world, and it was a much better high than outsmarting some civil servant cop, or even Barry.

He didn’t know what to do with himself.

And then Barry found him propping up the pool table at Sinners and Saints, and Len would never admit how much relief he felt.

Barry asked, “Can we talk?”

“Nothing stopping you.”

“I mean privately.”

Len tilted his head in consideration, and then nodded thoughtfully. Barry seemed subdued in a way that was disturbing. Barry was full of lightness and caring. He’d never been so dispirited. Len led the way to a booth in the back corner that afford them some privacy and quiet.

Once seated, Barry looked down at his folded hands for a few moments and then said, “I think I explained myself poorly previously. I’d like another chance to explain, if that’s alright?”

Since he was curious, Len didn’t make a snarky retort, but instead just said, “You have the floor.”

“I never meant to imply that I hated you previously. I never did. I was mad and disappointed, but that had more to do with my perceptions of you than anything real. And even when we were fighting each other, you made me into a better person. I never would have been so firm on the anti-killing stance if I hadn’t met you. I understand the temptation a lot more now, and without you, I might have succumbed. 

“I don’t want to change you, just like I don’t want to change for you. I just am hoping that I helped you be the best you that you can be, just the way you helped me be the best Barry I could be. Even if I never influenced you, you influenced me for the better, and I at least want to say thank you.”

Len stared Barry down, but all he saw was sincerity and regret, no subterfuge or self-righteousness. He was a bit humbled that Barry had sought him out again, and with the time he had been stewing on his actions, he guessed he was more receptive to hearing what Barry was saying.

Maybe they both had to grow into being each other’s soulmate, and it wasn’t just Barry waiting for Len to change, the way it seemed to be before. So, Len said, “I can’t promise to be something I’m not, but well… after saving the universe, it seems basic thievery is like child’s play. I guess I can join Team Flash, if you’ll have me?”

Barry eyes blinked rapidly as he obviously held back tears. “Do you mean it?”

“I do.”

“Oh my god, I so want to make a wedding pun now, but I’m too shocked to think of one.” Barry reached across and held one of his hands in both of his. Len could feel the minute shakes going through Barry’s hands, and he gave them a squeeze. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face.

Barry asked, “May I?”

And even though he wasn’t sure what Barry was asking, Len nodded yes. Dropping Len’s hand, Barry practically jumped out of his side of the booth, and slid in next to Len. Len had to kiss him so he did. It was like fireworks and effervescent bubbles all in one. Not that he would ever admit that, except maybe to Barry, when he looked at Len like he was the whole world like that. In reward, he kissed him again.


End file.
